Order Only: Private message to Poppy Pomfrey

[alt_charlie]

So. I've been thinking of ways to say this, and nothing really comes out right, so I'll just come out and say it, and I hope you'll forgive me when it comes out wrong.

I think you know I've been right miffed at you for a few months now. At first, all I could see was that you'd used a dose of that potion on him, and --

Well. You know.

But I've been thinking about it since, and I talked it over with Bill the other day, and, well. If you hadn't done that, Dolohov wouldn't have known to go to you when Diggory was cursed, so I guess in a way, you saving him meant you'd be able to save Diggory a little on down the line. And we got talking a bit about redemption, and remorse, and who has the right to decide who lives and who dies, and, well. I've mostly come round. More or less.

So I wanted to say I was sorry. I shouldn't've been so shirty about the whole thing. Because the difference between us and them is that we're the people who'll try to save lives, and I want to be the kind of person who helps with that.

I'll keep an eye out and try to get you some more dragon's blood. Now that you've used it all, I mean.

Comments

[alt_poppy]

Ah. It's true, I did know you were displeased with me, but I can hardly blame you for feeling about it the way you did. Or do.

I'm pleased you've continued to think about it and were open to reconsidering.

My profession puts a priority on care, has codified it, in fact, in our oath and our protocols. And I've been working in this way for so long now that it's second nature to treat without prejudice. Even so, there are times when following my oath is difficult, and I admit I was not at ease with myself over my decision to extend all measures of care to Antonin Dolohov.

For what it's worth, I'm dubious that Antonin Dolohov feels remorse for the cruelties he's committed. But he is also capable of kindness and fondness, is generous with his students, and is willing to extend himself far beyond ordinary measures to those for whom he feels a duty, a care, or a commitment. Do not be deceived, Charlie: while that stood Mr Diggory in good stead, it's that same quality that makes Dolohov so dangerous a lure to the young. There's no telling whether I may prove to have saved him only to make it possible for him to turn some of our young friends to the Protector's service because they've grown attached to him. So if my action is to be approved or condemned by such an accounting, I fear the balance my swing against me later.

I choose, however, to consider this matter more in the terms you suggest towards the end: we are people who try to save lives, who do not deal out death when there is any avoiding it, who do not fancy ourselves arbiters of which lives are worth more, which worth less, and which we deem without merit. But we're also imperfect people, and people with feelings and fears. I'm certain that I've not always been consistent in my actions or thoughts or counsel to others on matters like this. In any case, don't swing the other way now and berate yourself for having been angry with me.

[alt_charlie]

Yeah.

I don't think there's any remorse in him. And if he found out about us at all, it'd be to the camps with us, or worse, of that I have no doubt. But it's like you said, he's not just black-and-white evil, yeah?

Awful people can do good things. And good people can do awful things. And it's about our choices, not just once, but over and over.

So I'm going to choose to be better than they are. And if when I get it wrong, well. I'll try to choose better next time.

I envy you a little bit, you know. To have that rule to follow, so clear-cut, even if it's hard to figure out the specifics from time to time.

[alt_poppy]

What do you handlers do with difficult dragons? If one in your care were injured and you were able to give aid, are there circumstances in which you would withhold treatment?

This is an honest question: I can imagine that the matter might be different than for people, but I can also imagine it the other way. I suppose I'm wondering if our professions train us in different ways of thinking about the matter--or, if not, whether this might be a useful way for you to consider the issue.

[alt_charlie]

That's a right interesting question. I hadn't really thought to connect the two, you know?

People call us dragon 'keepers', but that's not the way we think about it. Or it's not the way most of us think about it, since there are a few up here who think of it as just a job, not a calling. But we're not their keepers, and we're not their handlers, and we aren't here to make them do what we want them to do -- we're their partners, almost. Or, that's not quite right, since most of them seem to think of us as anywhere between annoyance and inconvenience when they aren't thinking of us as those slightly annoying little things that bring the food, but it's close enough. A dragon is what it is, and you aren't going to change it. All you can do is help it to be what it's going to be.

If a dragon's hurt, we help it. Always. Only time we don't is when it's too injured to live, and even then, we can still give help, it's just, the help we give it is to make the pain stop. I can't think of any situation where I wouldn't take an action, some action, to make the hurt go away.

And sometimes a dragon will be a danger to itself, or to the other dragons around it, because it's gone mad, or it's injured, or it's got a streak of mean in it and it's learned that it can hurt the things and people around it, and we have to put it down, for the good of the whole herd. It's a tough damn decision, every time, and we try to do everything we can to make it realise it has to stop, but sometimes we have no other choice.

Yeah. I think that helps, a bit.

[alt_poppy]

Yes, I suppose the question, then, is what parallel we might draw between your handling of those dragons that are a danger to others and what we feel is justified as means of preventing dangerous people from harming others. Is it appropriate to 'put down' humans? Or ought we to arrest and imprison them? Or exile them? Or use magic to restrain them in some way? Who decides, and by what process, etc.?

I haven't many answers, and I'm inclined to think that if there were properly satisfying answers that got every circumstance and instance right, we'd have solved the problem long ago and would not be living under this shambolic regime today. But we haven't, and we are.

It's safe to say, then, that we will not solve this one tonight.

I do appreciate your writing to me, Charlie. I'm relieved to think that we're on better footing now than we've been, and it was your initiative that moved us forwards.

[alt_poppy]

And, Charlie, as for the dragon's blood, I would certainly never decline the offer of a fresh phial or several were they to come my way, but you'll be interested to know that in the course of this business with Mr Diggory, I've learned there's a grey market in Cinnabaris about which I knew nothing until a colleague at St Mungo's congratulated me on having found my way to it. (Imagine my surprise.)

Apparently they were not in the least fooled by Dolohov's assertion that he'd got to Mr Diggory in time to arrest the curse before it took full hold. Fortunately, they'd no reason to be shocked at my having had a dose to hand because they themselves sometimes have a dose or more available. And nor did they assume I had a source within the Preserve; their supplies (such as they are) come via Mysteries' backdoor, and they assumed mine did, too, directly or indirectly.

I admit, it stands to reason that when DoM receives more than they have immediate use for, they sell it on. Of course, that's an entirely unauthorised (wholly illegal) disposition of an embargoed resource, so they use extremely shady agents to move it. Needless to say, I intend to see if I can't cultivate a connection with one of those agents for the future. In fact, I've several ideas how to go about that. And, yes, I'll be careful, but this also means that you needn't talk yourself into taking any unreasonable risks on your end. Of course, if the right opportunity presents itself, I would be most grateful for any you're able to obtain.

[alt_charlie]

Huh.

That's interesting. I hadn't known, no. I suppose it makes sense, but only when you think about it after the fact, if you know what I mean?

I wonder

Well. It all just makes me wonder all over again what they think they're up to at Mysteries. And what they need so much dragon's blood for.

[alt_poppy]

Quite.

I used to wish I'd applied to apprentice there. Of course, I'm of the wrong generation to have done anything of the sort. Married directly out of school, became a mother, and would have settled down into domestic witchery if it hadn't been for a war and other misfortunes. I only went on for training after I'd been widowed.

Still, I admit to wasting many curious hours wondering what manner of things the Unspeakables study. Mind you, I was not at all surprised to hear of the connection between DoM and that epidemic, nor to hear that they're supposed to be researching how they might shift magic from muggleborns into squibs. Secrecy and institutional license breed abuse. And yet, the thought of research into the fundamental questions... is deeply appealing. Despite being entirely antithetical to my supposed ethics.

[alt_charlie]

I guess there's something appealing about the thought that you could help discover the secrets of the universe, yeah?

Even if the current lot is more interested in the secrets of how to be horrifying to as many people as possible.

For what it's worth, though, I think Hogwarts would've been a much worse place back then without you, if you had gone that route after all. Even when it was awful, even while we were watching everything fall to shite and hiding under our beds in the hopes they wouldn't come after the students next, we always knew you were on our side.

And on that cheery note, it's to bed with me.