No! No, it's not on my behalf that's I'm sitting here wondering if he's gone round the twist, it's just -- how the suffering wings of Ladon and his little golden apples do you even think of something like that? And then bring it to people with a straight face?
And how did he think that we were the ones to talk to about it? I mean. It's not like we've told people
-- okay, I've been sitting here ever since I got out of the fire with him and trying to pull together my thoughts and I just keep coming back to the same few things and turning them around and around and not coming to any conclusions. Let me try and see if I can put it in words, and you forgive me when it comes out a bit jumbled, or when I put my foot in it, yeah?
It's your body and you're the only one who gets to have the say about what gets done with it. There's nothing in the whole world that could make me agree to this if you weren't completely, totally, entirely on board. I don't care if Dumbledore thinks that rite might be able to crack the wards. Hell, I wouldn't care if Dumbledore thought that rite could cause Voldemort to spontaneously combust and take all his Council with him and wake up all the Sleepers and, and, give them each a million Galleons and a pony.
But. I know you've been thinking about having another kid for a while. And I know you've been thinking about, how would you do it, and who would you get to be the father, and how it might fit in to your family and your work with the Order and and and, and I told you -- oh, it was a good while back now, you may have even forgot -- that if you did want another, you could call me, and I'd help. And that's still true. Because you're
Well. You're a good mum. No, strike that. You're a great mum. Bea's happy and healthy and she's never known a day of being lonely or scared or uncertain. And if you have another kid, I know they'll be the same.
And, look. I know we both said right up front that you and me, we're in it for fun and we're friends no matter what, and that's true. I don't see it changing anytime in the future, either. I'm fine with us being in this together. I trust you. I trust you'd do right by the kid and I trust you that we could work out any problems we had between the two of us.
I've always wanted kids someday, yeah? That's not the issue.
And I'd do or be anything you wanted me to as part of this. I'd help support it, even though the three of you are doing just fine supporting yourselves and Bea. And I know we'd have to work out stories carefully, because you and 'Mr Ponds' are still married and all, but I could be your old school chum there to give you a hand and take you to the Healer and bring you toast and tea.
If you wanted me to, I mean. Not that I think you couldn't handle it by yourself, just that -- you shouldn't have to, not if I could help. I mean, I know you have Remus and Sirius and all, but ... Merlin, I'm blathering. I just want you to know that I'd be willing to do as much or as little as you wanted, yeah?
And once it's born, if you wanted me to be the baby's father figure, I'd be fine with that. However we could make that work, and I do think we could make it work. It would take us a lot of talking it out to see what that meant for us, but if there's one thing I've learned over the last, oh, six years or so, it's how to have a talk about relationships, not just sex or love relationships I mean, all kinds of people relationships, without everybody winding up screaming at each other and going off to sulk in the loo for hours on end. We could work out something that everybody was happy with -- you, me, Sirus and Remus, Bea, everybody. (Oh, Merlin. Mum. I don't know how Mum would react.)
And if you wanted me to be Uncle Charlie who stops in when he can and babysits and brings the kid indulgent toys that make noise and drive you bonkers and that's all, I -- think I would be okay with that? I keep coming back to that and thinking, could I stand to watch my kid calling somebody else Da, and not be bothered by it, and I keep coming round and round back to the answer that -- well, that if the kid's happy and healthy and never knows a day of being scared or lonely or uncertain, as long as the kid knows that they're loved and cherished and secure, that's the important part. And I know you can do that. I can't be absolutely certain how I'd feel once the kid got here, but -- like I said, I trust you. I would trust you with my kid. (Our kid. Merlin.)
So I keep going around and around and around and not really getting anywhere. Sorry. That's a page and a half of blather and even I don't think I'm making any sense.
But it's your decision, love. It is absolutely, without a doubt, one hundred percent your own sodding decision. If you're on board with the idea, I'm on board with the idea. If you're not on board with the idea, or even if you're mostly sure but still have even a little bit of doubt, Dumbledore can shove it.
And mostly I'm just sitting here and thinking, who the fuck goes and tells somebody "oh by the way, I have this idea, tomorow's Beltane, how would you like to spend it fucking for England" and suggests you go try to make a baby as part of a ritual to try to, I don't know, save the world or whatever -- with less than a day's notice?
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Date: 2014-04-30 07:46 pm (UTC)And how did he think that we were the ones to talk to about it? I mean.
It's not like we've told people-- okay, I've been sitting here ever since I got out of the fire with him and trying to pull together my thoughts and I just keep coming back to the same few things and turning them around and around and not coming to any conclusions. Let me try and see if I can put it in words, and you forgive me when it comes out a bit jumbled, or when I put my foot in it, yeah?
It's your body and you're the only one who gets to have the say about what gets done with it. There's nothing in the whole world that could make me agree to this if you weren't completely, totally, entirely on board. I don't care if Dumbledore thinks that rite might be able to crack the wards. Hell, I wouldn't care if Dumbledore thought that rite could cause Voldemort to spontaneously combust and take all his Council with him and wake up all the Sleepers and, and, give them each a million Galleons and a pony.
But. I know you've been thinking about having another kid for a while. And I know you've been thinking about, how would you do it, and who would you get to be the father, and how it might fit in to your family and your work with the Order and and and, and I told you -- oh, it was a good while back now, you may have even forgot -- that if you did want another, you could call me, and I'd help. And that's still true. Because you're
Well. You're a good mum. No, strike that. You're a great mum. Bea's happy and healthy and she's never known a day of being lonely or scared or uncertain. And if you have another kid, I know they'll be the same.
And, look. I know we both said right up front that you and me, we're in it for fun and we're friends no matter what, and that's true. I don't see it changing anytime in the future, either. I'm fine with us being in this together. I trust you. I trust you'd do right by the kid and I trust you that we could work out any problems we had between the two of us.
I've always wanted kids someday, yeah? That's not the issue.
And I'd do or be anything you wanted me to as part of this. I'd help support it, even though the three of you are doing just fine supporting yourselves and Bea. And I know we'd have to work out stories carefully, because you and 'Mr Ponds' are still married and all, but I could be your old school chum there to give you a hand and take you to the Healer and bring you toast and tea.
If you wanted me to, I mean. Not that I think you couldn't handle it by yourself, just that -- you shouldn't have to, not if I could help. I mean, I know you have Remus and Sirius and all, but ... Merlin, I'm blathering. I just want you to know that I'd be willing to do as much or as little as you wanted, yeah?
And once it's born, if you wanted me to be the baby's father figure, I'd be fine with that. However we could make that work, and I do think we could make it work. It would take us a lot of talking it out to see what that meant for us, but if there's one thing I've learned over the last, oh, six years or so, it's how to have a talk about relationships, not just sex or love relationships I mean, all kinds of people relationships, without everybody winding up screaming at each other and going off to sulk in the loo for hours on end. We could work out something that everybody was happy with -- you, me, Sirus and Remus, Bea, everybody. (Oh, Merlin. Mum. I don't know how Mum would react.)
And if you wanted me to be Uncle Charlie who stops in when he can and babysits and brings the kid indulgent toys that make noise and drive you bonkers and that's all, I -- think I would be okay with that? I keep coming back to that and thinking, could I stand to watch my kid calling somebody else Da, and not be bothered by it, and I keep coming round and round back to the answer that -- well, that if the kid's happy and healthy and never knows a day of being scared or lonely or uncertain, as long as the kid knows that they're loved and cherished and secure, that's the important part. And I know you can do that. I can't be absolutely certain how I'd feel once the kid got here, but -- like I said, I trust you. I would trust you with my kid. (Our kid. Merlin.)
So I keep going around and around and around and not really getting anywhere. Sorry. That's a page and a half of blather and even I don't think I'm making any sense.
But it's your decision, love. It is absolutely, without a doubt, one hundred percent your own sodding decision. If you're on board with the idea, I'm on board with the idea. If you're not on board with the idea, or even if you're mostly sure but still have even a little bit of doubt, Dumbledore can shove it.
And mostly I'm just sitting here and thinking, who the fuck goes and tells somebody "oh by the way, I have this idea, tomorow's Beltane, how would you like to spend it fucking for England" and suggests you go try to make a baby as part of a ritual to try to, I don't know, save the world or whatever -- with less than a day's notice?
Albus sodding Dumbledore, that's who.