Order Only: Private message to Tonks

[alt_charlie]

I don't know about you, but I always get weirdly melancholy when I see Hogwarts is starting up again for the year. I mean, I enjoyed Hogwarts well enough, even though I know you didn't, but the way Mum and Dad talk about how it used to be for them... they were always so careful to make sure not to make us think our experience at Hogwarts would be like that, but sometimes I think about what Hogwarts was like for them versus what Hogwarts was like for us, and what Hogwarts was like for me versus what Hogwarts was like for you, and I just get so angry.

We'd better have this licked by the time it's Bea's turn, is all I'm saying. Much less when it's time for Baby.

Speaking of Baby: did you finish off the raspberries and blackberries I sent down for you? If you're still having cravings, let me know. As far as I can tell, nobody else has found the thicket I'm picking -- or at least if they have, there's still plenty left.

Comments

[alt_nymphadora]

Ooooh, berries!

(Mind you, yesterday I couldn't stand the thought, but I'd give every galleon in my pocket for some right now!)

I know, I get a bit funny at the start of September, too. Not because I'd ever want to go back to being a student, but I suppose it's another reminder that if I'm not careful, I'm going to look up one day and find I've gone and got old, and I want to have done something before that happens.

Do you know it's been four months since I've made a camp visit?

[alt_charlie]

I'll send you down a few quarts tomorrow, then. Or Wednesday at the latest, if my shift runs late and I don't get a chance to go picking again, but we've been finishing up on time lately, miracle of miracles. Anything else you're craving? You know you only have to say the word, luv -- I'll go running anywhere you send me.

I'm not going to be that tedious person who says "but you're doing THE MOST IMPORTANT WORK A WITCH CAN DO" like you're only good for making babies, but, well, you are making a person, and I have it on good authority that's rough work. I'm not surprised you haven't had the energy for camp visits. I know you miss it, though. At least we don't have Snape using up all the Polyjuice anymore so it's not so urgent that you be doing as many of the visits as you can? (And oh, Merlin, now I'm imagining Malfoy doing camp visits. Although it might be good for him, knock some of those airs straight out of him, but you know he'd never be any good at being delicate with parents.)

And I know what you mean about wanting to do something. We are doing something important, and we're doing it as well as we can, I do believe that. But there's still that nagging feeling ... I wonder if it's being about to become a father. I mean, you've been through all this before, but I keep catching myself thinking about Baby and realising he or she is already changing so much about how I think.

I don't want our kid to grow up in this world. In twelve years I want to be able to stand on the platform with purebloods and halfbloods and Muggleborns and all of us wave at our kids and worry about nothing more than whether they packed enough pairs of socks. And I think we're on our way there, I have to believe we're on the way there, but I don't know if we're heading there fast enough.

[alt_nymphadora]

Yes, please!

And thank you for not being that person who goes on about mothering that way. I do, actually, think there are loads of other things I can do that are worthwhile, thank you very much, and I intend to continue doing them. Even if some of them have to wait until I can morph enough of me to not be recognised or Apparate again or, you know, do much of anything without running out of breath and needing to sit and put my feet up on cushions.

Do you know when I'm sitting, if I bend over to pick something up off the floor, I lose my breath completely. And it's not as if I've got ginormous yet.

[alt_nymphadora]

Didn't mean to sound as if I were shouting at you. Because, of course, you aren't one of the ones who need to hear that.

Guess I'm a bit sensitive about that, yeah?

[alt_charlie]

Well, I'd have to be right slow to go on about how witches are best suited to making babies and nothing else, because if I did, Dree would hex me into next week! But no. You have so much to offer. And you're a right nift person on top of it, too. I'm glad I know you.

And no, I didn't take it as shouting. But even if it was I wouldn't mind, you're allowed a little bit of shouting at me if you want. (And a whole lot of shouting at Dumbledore, but, well.) Are your feet still bothering you, then? I'll wander down and rub them my next time off if it would help.

I've always wondered that about Mum, you know. She spent so much time and effort raising all us lot, and I know she enjoyed it and I know it was something she wanted to do. I don't think she regrets it, not at all. But sometimes I wonder if there was something else she wanted to do, before she wanted to be Mum. And, I mean, she's doing other things now, but ... I don't know. It's hard to think about what your Mum might have given up, to raise you.

Make you a deal right now? Once Baby's done cooking, anytime you feel the need to go do something that isn't mothering, you let me know. I'll come take over.

[alt_nymphadora]

I know you will.

And it's not as if I'm not good for anything at all now. If I needed to, I reckon I could still hold my own in a duel. If anything, I believe my standing balance is a bit better just now, probably because I've been staying the same shape most all the time. Well, nearly. But the truth is that the way I'm changing with the baby is much less discombobulating than the ways I usually change.

Mind you, I haven't forgotten what it's going to be like when it stops being dormouse sized and turns into a hippogriff.

That's when I'll start feeling really nostalgic for school days!

[alt_charlie]

Ha! You were awfully oddly shaped by the end of when you were carring Bea, yes. I hadn't stopped to think about how odd it must have been to not be able to morph. I wonder if Baby will be a metamorph too, or if the Weasley traits will win out. I guess I'll hope they don't, it could be a bit awkward to explain why Mr and Mrs Ponds have a tiny ginger.

I was thinking yesterday, the appointment with the Healers to do the charms to find out what sex Baby will be is in what, two weeks? And then I freaked out a little, because that makes this even more real, and it was already pretty real. We haven't really talked about it, but are you hoping for one or the other? It might be nice for Bea to have a sister, but likewise it might be nice for you to have one of each.

And I know we're going to have to be careful with names and all, and I don't actually like naming children after dead people, because it always strikes me as not letting the kid grow up to be their own person. But still, if Baby is a girl, I think her middle name should be something for your mother. Not her name, that's too risky, but something that reminds you of her. And if Baby's a boy, I think his middle names should be Arthur and Ted. (Although 'Ted' might make people think of Nott, and that's nothing good there -- but it would still be nice to honour your father.)

I'm pretty sure you could not only hold your own in a duel, but you could out-duel me one-handed. At least from what Frank says.